221: Breaking Free from Family Triggers – The Power of Reparenting (Sort Of) Pt 2

In our discussion, we explored the complexities of parenting, boundaries, and the journey of reparenting ourselves. We recognize the importance of setting clear boundaries in parenting, acknowledging that children thrive when expectations are established. However, we also admit to the challenges of balancing our children’s desires with the needs of the family as a whole.
Generational differences in parenting styles became apparent, particularly in how older generations may exhibit entitlement, disregarding parental wishes in favor of spoiling grandchildren. This led us to reflect on the concept of reparenting, where we seek to address negative inner voices and behaviors stemming from past experiences.
Therapy and counseling emerged as vital components in this process. While we acknowledge the potential role of parents in reparenting, we also explore the idea of finding guidance from external sources such as therapists, sponsors in recovery programs, or self-help resources like books and podcasts.
Throughout our conversation, we emphasized the importance of self-compassion and growth. We understand that healing from past traumas or dysfunctional family dynamics requires time, effort, and the right support system. By integrating therapy and counseling concepts into our journey of reparenting, we strive to foster personal growth and create healthier family dynamics.

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welcome back it’s recovery sort of the podcast where we explore the struggles of Life the challenges of mental health and recovery and the spaces between we express our personal views on life here and this podcast is not meant to replace medical advice or tell anyone the right way to live this podcast is best used as a place of curiosity and questioning to accompany you on your journey be aware there is strong language here we [Music] go [Applause] [Music] basically that it can wait for now is I need to wait till I find a way I could say it without sounding like an [  ] right I I know I can’t right now I’m still very very activated around a lot of it um but yeah that’s what our close people do we programmed in all that stuff about connection and disconnection and love and they they trigger the [  ] out of us yeah and I think that’s why I was a little confused about the reparenting ourselves when our parents are still alive to because I think any people in our lives that we’re super close to

can trigger Us in that way like it doesn’t have to just be a parent it can be a sibling it can be a a spouse it can be you know anyone that we’ve led into that inner layer can then kind of stir all that stuff up um so the the reparenting feels very separate from like oh it’s my parent unless you’re still maybe are you still still looking to your [Music] mom to be that inner parent to fulfill that inner parent need I think that’s the case because for me like it’s still I you know you both have explained how it’s separate issues but for me it’s still like kind of like in meshed and I I’m going to need some like meditation time like some sitting with it I still feel like I and like I have this idealistic view like I want her to be the one oh she’s going to change and feel that there’s like this hope and me like come on and then I think what I do is I kind of fall for it like we had that like we have like a period of time and it’s cool but then I see myself slipping into the old the guilt Fu ways the you know you said gaslighting too I only realized recently I’m like this is gaslighting this has been happening oh my goodness and when I’m I don’t surround like I have cut those people out of my life old friends you know old employers old like spaces and places like but

I still have this one thing you know it’s like my mom family and I like I I I feel like I’m not strong enough like I should be better you know like well are you a conflict avoidant person like do you avoid like I avoid conflicts I talk a good game but I am conflict avoidant and I think for me I’ve learned like you you can’t stand up for yourself and totally avoid conflicts all the time like those two things don’t exist and so like even in my marriage like we would get in a fight and to me that’s like the end of the world and divorce and whatever else and you know it’s like well no people just have disagreements and you can work through them it’s not I mean as long as it doesn’t get to like fist fighting or name calling or you know whatever like you can work through that stuff it’s not the end of the world if you have a disagreement with your parents or your siblings yeah I I get should be like anytime I’ve brought up a conflict between us um I’m so punished by it for for weeks and months it comes back and um I used to do the same thing though back when

I was you know before I started taking charge of my life but right so it’s it’s this interesting thing I said across from people all week long and tell them what I see in them and they can’t never believe me because they’re programmed to have a core belief that they’s something else and that’s the only thing they can accept and take in it’s a it’s a CBT uh cognitive behavioral therapy idea that like basically once we have a core belief everything that doesn’t align with that deflects off of it and we have the research it says we see more what we go into a situation looking for than what is actually in front of our eyes and so like I don’t necessarily have to feel punished by someone’s punishment when I can correct the way that my core belief feels and knows that I didn’t do anything wrong right and then I can actually turn on the reparenting part to come in and say hey it really hurts to get treated and punished like this when you didn’t do anything wrong God that’s such an a awful feeling how can we take care of you Jenny nice and this is that’s kind of what I meant when I said I need a more detached relationship that’s the kind of stuff

I’m thinking of like if I can just be like not so emotionally invested in that relationship Yeah It’s Tricky I don’t I don’t know we talk we say emotionally invested a lot but I think it’s the nervous system state that it puts us in I don’t know that it’s an emotion right like that anxiety irritation agitation kind of state that I came with today Billy that’s that’s really that fight ORF flight nervous system that’s not really a feeling and then that like disconnect and withdrawn kind of feeling is more the freeze of the nervous system and it’s it lingers and it’s really hard to tolerate because it’s a a pretty miserable or suffering type experience whereas like a feeling is I feel like we’re way better at that when we’re calm yeah I agree with that so I don’t know I don’t and I’m not sure whether you’re talking about being around her puts you in that state or if it’s a feeling that you get I don’t know well it does sometimes it does because I have had to do certain I’ve been practicing with this um because it’s a different topic

I’ve been actually working through this anger workbook and um learning how to like calm my body I uh it happens uh like you like my chest gets tight the head squeeze and if I can just take a couple calming breaths it makes such a difference dealing with my kids um and dealing with her and sometimes times I’ll feel that spinning up or or even if it’s like uh she’s coming over she said she’s going to be here at one time she’s still not there an hour later and I’m like I got to take that deep breath to like because because when she does come I’m going to be all spun up because I was expecting her an hour ago you know like so um but it’s so weird to be like to be hanging out and being like having to take calming breaths like every four minutes like it’s not very natural but if I can if I can yeah maintain that Cal I can approach it that way there was something that got expressed earlier that I guess it kind of like said man that might be a good line of thing to talk about and it was this idea of like I think Billy and Jenny both expressed that your parents weren’t like necessarily evil people right they’re they’re good people they just have this thing and like

maybe that could mean to continue having them in your life in some variety and I think that’s part of the question you’ve had Jenny is like do I need to disconnect more from this person in order to be able to reparent or not and I think it’s an interesting debate because I one of the things I’ve read and and that I’ve seen in my house and this is more the other direction is that like I was unable to tolerate my nervous system because that’s what my father couldn’t do he couldn’t tolerate other people’s feelings right so when that got jacked up he had to shut everything in the house down for him to be okay again and that’s what I did right bullied I I would get on people and stop them and pick on them and all that good stuff and like I see this in my my older son towards my younger son and from what I’ve read like I got to I got to shut this off I got to stop this because even if I’m better if I’m allowing that to continue to go on in relationships with my children they’re still getting the same [  ] I would have been giving them anyway right they’re still getting hurt they’re still getting the trauma and like I

guess it just put a huge emphasis on the first step is that’s got to stop and so like I’ve made Extreme efforts in my house to like try to stop that behavior and that’s one of the things that I I do run through my mind when I’m thinking about like you know questioning the big question is my mother going to end up in my life or not or through all this like while she’s not talking to me it’s like I got to protect my kids somehow and when I let her watch them I’m really not I’m not she’s not aware of herself she doesn’t know the things she does that causes to in people you know and like that’s a big question that’s a big question cuz we’re talking about the the the trauma of our children that’s going on and and like pretty sure you can guarantee it’s happening if you got some of it when you were little like it ain’t changed that much and I mean

I remember some some traumatizing things that my grandparents instilled in me so I know it’s happening like you know they they might have thought they were doing their best but I’m like Grandma talked to me this way that’s now I now I know that’s not how you talk to children well and and I think sometimes that’s where it gets really tricky because part of the story of compassion we’re trying to have compassion for ourselves and other people in the world and everything and it says like they were doing their best and I totally believed that they couldn’t have done any better they didn’t have better information nobody taught them and I feel like when we can say something like that and then we also add in they’re not totally evil it’s just these couple of behaviors about them then we start to get maybe a little more wishy-washy about letting them around people that they can [  ] hurt and I that’s dangerous to me I I think it’s a really important decision to make well there was some things with mom I think that that led us I mean she’s past now but that led us to want to continue a relationship with her and led us around our kids and one of them was that she wasn’t like she was receptive to things that we talked about when we said hey you know what I mean like this is a boundary or this is an issue she wasn’t like get away from me

I don’t want to talk to you I don’t know what you’re talking about like and she didn’t always like it and you know she might have thought we were being ridiculous or whatever but she didn’t put it down and she seemed like to authentically try her best to change you know what I mean now she was still who she was at her core because that’s who she was but she definitely got better you know with the kids and like we would joke all the time you know my sister and like with all our kids like you guys have no idea how mean she used to like they thought she was this nice sweet lady cuz she didn’t cuss at them all the time you know because she had stop a lot of those behaviors so that was one thing but I’ve worked with guys and sponsored guys that have tried to put boundaries with parents and their parents haven’t respected them and they have cut them out of their life at least two of them I know of and you know one of them still doesn’t talk to his dad and was like I tried I set some boundaries said some things that this Behavior wasn’t okay he wasn’t willing to change or do anything different and and at the time I was like I can’t you’re going to just completely cut your dad out like how do you do that but you know now

I get it like I’m like oh yeah I can see it seems like maybe though the difference between your the the parent’s ability to traumatize the child and the grandparent ability to tra traumatize the grandchild is the presence of that parent who can be that healthy attachment figure for the children I I was listening to an Audi book and this is why I hate audiobooks because I heard a study cited and I couldn’t go back and reference it later because I was like where in the audiobook was this study and now I’ve even forgotten which book it was that I was listening to got a bookk feature yeah but I was driving yeah so the study basically was it was around um attachment and it was saying that you only need a certain amount of healthy connection with your primary caregiver to not develop insecure attachment and it was a low number it was like I would I want to see the study now and I wish I could find it it was something like you only need like 30% connection or the [  ] would you the same study that says over 50% of people are securely attached well for me hearing this I was like damn my parents couldn’t even get 30% whatever the number was whatever low bar yeah I’m like this is that wasn’t even you know probably accurate but still but right but but so I think you know what and they do say there’s like these buffering influences right like

even if you’re raised in these like traumatic dysfunctional homes the more people outside the home teachers parents or grandparents ANS and Uncle other healthy adults that even if you don’t live with them they can have these buffering influences I think there’s there you know what I mean for for your kids to be exposed to your mom occasionally and she’s doing these things well if you’re doing like the complete opposite of that the rest of the time it’s not going to H I mean I don’t know but it’s it’s likely not going to have the impact on them that it had on you when that was your primary caregiver and you had nothing else but it can still be very hurtful not beong traumatizing but it can still be I mean my daughter like even now you know my middle daughter like she knows that my her grandmother favored her sister over her like it’s that’s an obvious like we still joke about it you know as a thing but they were all aware right but isn’t life hurtful too though and isn’t that then as and I’m just being Devil’s advoc is we call that word resilience and I don’t have kids so take it with a Grandin of salt but isn’t part of the job as a parent to teach our kids how to process hurtful situations or non-optimal situations and so when people hurt us how do we handle that and and then becomes an opportunity

I would say that is definitely one of the top priorities for parents it probably comes just under providing them a safe environment from the start and not putting them in that environment where they’re going to be hurt you know like even even knowing okay uh yeah most of the time my kids are around my mom I’m there and I can buffer that but then sometimes they want to spend the night at her house and like she wants to spend the night with them and some of that is beautiful cuz she’ll read with them and talk with them and like sometimes my ears need a break and but do I want to send them over there knowing that some of those things can happen that really hurt me when I was little do I want to put them through that even for a night just because I know it ain’t going to affect them in the grand scheme of life or is it like the abusive relationship where it’s like well this person’s really good over here but you know then they abuse you over here so it’s a you just got to take the abuse part like the pain that’s part of what comes there you go it’s probably another my mom saying you got to take the go with the bed

so here’s a question for you though just out of interest if you guys could keep your children from ever getting hurt you could put them in a bubble where they still get to live life but they never get their feelings hurt for the first 18 years of their life and then you know that they’re going to go to college and get their feeling like would you would you do that a lot of parents say yes I watch it yeah but you guys I mean my kids specifically go to a school that promotes like failure and coming up short and all that stuff so I I would say no like they’re not in a school that caters to that sort of ideology so yeah interest I mean I’m a firm believer in like like some you know safety at home I am you know like I like I want them to know they’re always safe with me and I’m not going to be the one who’s going to challenge them like to train them life skills life will train them with life skills and then they can always come back to me for refuge and safety right you know like so I’m not going to put them in purposely put them in a painful situation right right yeah and it’s a it’s a unrealist I mean you can’t do that right they’re always going to encounter pain at some point in life so it’s unrealistic I’m not a tough love person no they life will teach them life lessons

I want them to always know that they can come to me I mean I guess that’ll change when they’re teenagers you know like there’s going to be certain things like I’m not going to Cave to every whim you know like but your kid didn’t experience pain when you told them they weren’t allowed to play with the fire or the stove or put things in their mouth like thumbtacks or Legos I’m pretty sure they experienc pain at the hands of you have you guys seen that thing on Facebook where it’s like reasons my toddler cried and it’s like I wouldn’t let them go swimming when it’s 10° in the ocean and the kids like throwing a temper tantrum you know I mean yeah that’s funny I I I definitely think I’ve had I have like milder girls like they don’t they didn’t do like a ton of like my kids were not putting their hand in the fire like I have they never had like a tantrum when you had to take a toy away or they weren’t sharing well or oh my gosh no they they didn’t eat anything but cake no we didn’t have a lot of Tantrums like my kids always cry when I say no yeah really do I mean I’m I’m not going to say there never was one but like I guess

I was lucky cuz I was home and so like if I saw like I tried to set up a scenario where like Tantrums won’t happen like make sure they’re rested and fed you know like that’s awesome and I’m not perfect for sure but like I tried to decrease the amount of environmental hazards that cost Tantrums like like we’re not going shopping if you’re tired and cranky I’m not 10 years old and above the 10 and under is not oh and that’s probably when yeah that’s probably like you know as as they’re getting to be teenagers I you know I got tweens now I guess but gets harder yeah no doubt what we operated under and what I think a lot of families do is my nervous system and my wife’s really struggled to accept or tolerate the nervous system reaction and disregulation of our children and So eventually they became the dictators who got what they wanted more often than not um and that created a dysfunctional system right a system out of order where people’s wants are being met instead of the needs of the family but yeah I mean I I I don’t want to do that but

I did it for a long time you know tried not to upset them or not hurt them not understanding that I was hurting them longterm that direction yeah there’s a lot of things about kids need like they like boundaries they do better when they understand clearly where the guard rails are and clearly what is expected and they do so much better than if you just let them oh just figure everything out on your own like yeah actually so that’s true there is a boundary right now like so they’re easing into like higher level chores around the house and man you know especially the 10-year-old doesn’t want to vacuum or help me with the dishes so yeah I guess I am inflicting pain I get that like that like a get Jen like I have to put my Roblox aside so to help you with a dishwasher I’m like it takes 5 minutes you know like ooh yeah don’t do that five minutes of suffering don’t do that you’re inflicted five minutes of suffering understand understand I don’t want to stop what I’m doing to do [  ] I do comp that okay how I how I’m talking now is not how I talk to her yeah yeah yeah between us yeah [  ] 5 minutes God damn no no no no that’s not how I talked to no no no no no between us yes it’s absolutely 5 minutes what the [  ] is wrong with our kids in my head oh my God my language in my head yeah yeah yeah yeah I say terrible things in my head that’s not what comes out of my mouth that’s perfect yes no that’s that’s absolutely how I feel too yeah [  ] is wrong with these kids I I say I’m like

I know honey I know you’re in the middle of your game but let’s do this now because because you know I want to rest and you want to rest let’s get it done now and then you can we can both chill and do our own thing I love that I love that and hopefully when she’s an adult she can say that to herself oh I hope so yeah because the inner voice in my head not so nice you know but that’s the inner voice in my head says no you don’t have to do that [  ] just just don’t do that [  ] that’s a really nice in her voice too nice you know taking it back a little talking about like cutting off uh a parent or a grandparent from the grandkids I remember early in the grandparenting world and experience I got um asking my mom when I only had three kids at the time to stop giving them sugary drinks when she watched them right because we were trying to limit sugar at that point in time in my life and I didn’t have the space to really be good at setting boundaries we asked her a couple times it was obvious she was not going to listen she was going to do all the McDonald’s sweet tea and fruit juice she felt like [  ] doing and like what

I had come to at that point in time which I look back and and wish I had the space to do something better but I didn’t I had a whole bunch of other [  ] internal struggles going on but what I really wished i’ have been able to do is carried that out further cuz this that’s that was the same problem right and I could have addressed lasted a long [  ] time ago 15 14 13 years ago um but what I came to for me at the time because I didn’t have the space was like I don’t want to end up being and this dates me a little bit I don’t want to be one of those families on Mari that says the grandparent isn’t allowed to see the grandchildren anymore like that’s what I was relating it to and I’m like I don’t want to try to have that battle like that’s where I kept going it almost feels similar to maybe where you might be like sometimes like I don’t want to go through all this and cut people off and all and like I just wish I would have had the space to now I probably could have helped a long time ago you know it’s so for me and again I’m such an outsider to this but it’s so disrespectful when you’re making a choice to parent your child in a certain way and you say this is how

I’m choosing to parent my child I need you to align to just be like no I’m going to do something totally different like it’s just it’s just this lack of respect that’s hard to rap you say that right yeah but you have very strong beliefs about what the people out here in the world how they’re supposed to act in certain situations and that’s exactly what my mother had and gave me all my life this programming that there’s a one right way to be and that is to be [  ] what everybody else wants you to be basically at all times and it’s impossible because you’re always going to be disappointing one of them people when you can’t live up to all that but like so I get how you feel like it could be so crazy in this sit situation and trust me there’s days I feel that same way I’m like how the [  ] could people be so disrespectful right but like I think we’re all doing this there’s always that person I see in public when I’m like that ain’t the [  ] way to be or I just think I know there’s been times we’ve had like other families kids at our house whether it’s my nieces and nephews or some other friends of theirs that are at the house and you’re like doing something they’re like oh we’re not allowed to do this at home at all you know and it’s like it’s

my house don’t say nothing you know like it doesn’t feel disrespectful in that moment you know it feels like oh it’s not a big deal it’s just now and it’s convenient for me and this is what we do and there’s a lot of that that goes along with it my rules are the best rules inconvenience saying sorry your parents are dumb but my rules are the best rules now it is still disrespectful but it doesn’t feel like it in the moment no I think that that’s a valid point and that’s what my my mother always said was she defended that’s the grandparents role that’s what grandparents do they spoil the kids and send them back that’s what they get to do right yeah they get to do that they they raised their children and got to follow all the rules now they get to do it willy-nilly right so now I get to poison my grandchildren with sugar right doesn’t it sound [  ] stupid yes this is a generational generalization but they they feel like you owe me I mean oh my God so much our parent generation it’s like

I earned the right to do this you owe me I did this for you now I get to do this and I’m that’s yeah I and like so part of me is like yes I do owe this to you I’m like wait wait a second no I don’t that’s the program we got yeah I feel like the Baby Boomers talk about and and this is a very overgeneralization too but it seems like they point the finger at all this entitlement and like that’s where I feel like it comes from right they all it feels like this I’m allowed to be this way this is how it should be this is what America’s supposed to be this is how it’s always been this is what it what it was like when it was good like and I just don’t understand I really don’t I’m like my mother can’t see that I’m a different person she thinks all humans are the same people and they’re all just like her and we all are supposed to just be like her and when we’re not that’s [  ] wrong and I’m like dude I’m Jason I’m not you I need other [  ] than you got and that’s where we’ve been having a [ __ ] issue since I was born you ain’t seen that yet I’m about to turn 44 and I I see I wouldn’t want my children to feel that way about me I don’t want my children to do things to please me and so why am I still doing right you’re you’re you’re teaching them that

yeah I don’t know any other thoughts do we cut them off or do we keep them what we do well there’s got to be a middle way that’s and that’s what I’m like striving for like there’s got to be middle way like the boundaries you talked about like anytime any of you mention boundaries in this episode my like heart lit up I’m like that’s it I just got to figure out the right boundaries to make this work cuz I you know I want this to work but I definitely have to separate the real mom and the reparenting mom in my head yeah for me I feel like and some my parents haven’t been parents since I don’t know if ever quite honestly um but certainly definitely not long before they should have stopped being parents I mean I was I moved out when I was 16 so I had no parents before I was even an adult but um so it’s very easy for me to say this right but as an adult the parent that I need today is never going to be something another adult person can provide because they’re not in my head does that make sense so like

I could never expect my parents I couldn’t expect them to be parents when I was a small simple child but um I can’t expect my parents to be able to reparent me or provide that level of parenting that I as a complex almost 40-year-old human with many many life experiences far outside of anything they even have visibility to um could could provide they’re not with me 247 they just don’t have you know even if they were the most skilled parent in the whole world and so compassionate and knowledgeable they they’re not in my head I I don’t know if I’m I don’t know if I’m verbalizing that I I get it I think I I tend to in some ways disagree a little bit because from what I understand a therapist is trying to give that corrective experience one hour a week right so that they can become the new voice in your head the new reparent and like honestly in situations where we’re able to include a parent and the parent is able to to hear in a different place and and do different things it’s [  ] super helpful for reparenting and healing right so it’s like really yes I I need this voice to ultimately end up in my head but how did the inner critic [  ] that beats me up all the time end up in there well from somebody doing it to me all the time and

if somebody was just [  ] loving me as a great parent all the time that would be my new voice that I get so I I do think there’s an ability for other people outside of us to help that yeah yeah I agree teach it right like teach it yeah model it but not be it my therapist can’t be my inner parent 24 she’s not with me 247 she’s not hearing every she can show me what it looks like a little bit but ultimately she’s teaching me to to be that for myself well that’s what your parents were supposed to be doing what they did wrongly anyway yeah for sure for sure but to expect them now to be able to do it well I think what Caroline I believe what you’re talking about is that’s what a healthy adult is like I’m able to give myself better information than the shitty information I got as a kid you know what I mean like I’ve I’ve been able to do that you know but it’s taking some work to get that information without the outside person because it didn’t happen in the first place without the outside person you know what

I mean like you mean the corrective part can’t it took somebody outside of us giving us something for us to pick up on that and create the first voice but you think it needs to be a person can it be like audio books or group therapy or think we a specific person modeling that stuff do you that’s interesting do you think that there are healthy 40y olds just picking on because that’s we’re all about there um that had such a you know zero on the as of score such a healthy environment growing up such a functional relationship with their parents that they’re still getting that parenting from from their parent and don’t need to have an inner they’ve created that inner voice as a function of what happened in their childhood so that’s why I’m saying I think maybe that’s the missing piece is like even in those best case scenarios they’re not now getting that from an external Source because they already have it internally so for me to expect to get it from my parent at this point in life but I feel like that same individual like okay if I got the wrong programming where would I know even to start to how to give myself the right one from just inside it’s like I have to again say oh what I got was wrong now I need to go seek outside stuff that’s better than that to find a way to get that in me yeah but I don’t know that it needs to be I don’t know and maybe it becomes your your sponsor so

I mean a lot of this is tackled within ACA too right so you so it’s interesting for me because I’m I’m in therapy and I’m seeing my therapist twice a week but I’m also an a and I’m working steps with a sponsor and um the there’s the parallel pass right like my my therapist has me working on an inner resource team which is like a bunch of like there’s like Lily’s mom and there’s like nanny Caroline like there’s all of these inner people in me that are kind of that inner parent and then in ACA it’s the more traditional inner parent and I’m not there yet like I’ve not figured any of this out but um you know in ACA you are kind of creating that loving inner parent in the absence of a therapist being it for you first so maybe it’s your sponsor being it for you but I don’t feel like it is because the conversations I’m having with my sponsor are like here’s what that inner parent would look like tell yourself this it’s not my sponsor being like Oh Caroline you know blah blah blah she’s she’s what she’s saying to me is your inner parent needs to and and kind of like just helping make sense of that is it working yeah okay a little bit I mean it’s new and it’s and I’m still figuring it out it’s there’s a lot there and yeah but yeah it is working it’s working I guess and this is the the closest thing I can make sense of it to make sense with how

I understand it she’s still compassionately meeting you with something new that’s the reparenting she’s giving you hey when you come with problems it doesn’t have to be that you’re a bad person or you [  ] up it could just be that there’s this thing inside you that’s yucky that somebody else gave you and like maybe we just need to work with that that feels really [  ] compassionate as a response like and very contrasty to what I got from my parents when I had issues right so like I think that is the reparenting you’re getting so I maybe the question is I I think it takes somebody or some information at least that maybe that could be an Audi book I’ve never actually considered that Billy that’s a good question uh or podcast like I think that can help actually could be very similar I mean if you’re internalizing it and feeling it and hearing it same idea but yeah I do think it’s going to take something outside of us to put in us to be a different parent does it have to be our actual parent if they’re still alive [  ] no it doesn’t have to be because chances are they’re not going to change right but if they can they would be a huge asset that’s what I I

would leave it at they would be a huge uh piece of inspiring healing and growth and change in that um but it doesn’t have to be them now I don’t know anything else that was a lot cool see you next week reparent yourselves [Music] well have you found that listening to the recovery sort of podcast has helped you in your day-to-day Journey please share the message of compassion and well-being with the loved ones in your life connect with us more at recovery sort of.com Facebook Instagram Reds YouTube and other social media spaces and have a great [Music] [Applause] [Music]