211: The Self-Care Dilemma – Now vs Future You (Sort Of)

Welcome back to another episode of the Recovery (Sort Of) podcast! In today’s discussion, we delve into the complex world of self-care, exploring the ongoing debate between prioritizing the present and investing in our future selves.

Join us as we navigate the delicate balance between indulging in self-care pleasures in the present and making conscious efforts to secure a healthier, happier future. We’ll share personal experiences, insights, and explore the challenges of finding equilibrium.

In this episode, we introduce the concept of the Self-Care Circle—a way to approach self-care at a core level that can help raise awareness around our struggle and helps provide a template for what to do in those times. Discover how this holistic perspective can reshape your understanding of self-care and enhance your overall well-being.

Thank you for tuning in to Recovery (Sort Of)—your go-to podcast for navigating the complexities of self-improvement and recovery. Remember, the journey is ongoing, and every step counts.

Join the conversation on our social media platforms and share your insights.

How to find us and join the conversation:

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Email: RecoverySortOf@gmail.com

Recommended by god:

197: Recovering with the Blowfish – James ‘Soni’ Sonefeld (Sort Of)

FacebookTweetPin This week we are talking with James ‘Soni’ Sonefeld. Soni has spent nearly three…

112: Tradition 12 – Anonymity is the Spiritual Foundation of all our Traditions (Sort Of)

FacebookTweetPin Tradition twelve: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us…

108: Tradition 11 – Our Public Relations Policy is Based on Attraction Rather than Promotion… (Sort Of)

FacebookTweetPin Tradition 11: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we…

Transcript:

welcome back it’s recovery sord of the podcast where we explore the struggles of Life the challenges of mental health and Recovery in the spaces between we express our personal views on life here and this podcast is not meant to replace medical advice or tell anyone the right way to live this podcast is best used as a place of curiosity and questioning to accompany you on your journey be aware there is strong language here we

[Music] go [Applause] [Music] so self-care is one of those things that I’ve heard I hear thrown around a lot and I don’t always know I quite understand what it means in certain ways I think that I do a good job at it in other areas I really struggle um I did recently hear a cool uh internet [  ] saying of like discipline is the ultimate form of self-care it is giving up something in the current for something better in the future o yeah I don’t like that so I like that because I think of things like you know for me where it came in was like getting up and like going to the gym in the morning like I don’t have a really good time to fit that in but I feel like it’s super important for my mental health and my physical health you know of daily exercise and so I end up where it fits best and where I’ve been the most consistent over the last couple years is getting up at 5:30 you know getting up at 5:00 going to the gym at 5:30 you know fitting it in before work I’ve tried some other things in afternoons and evenings and I’ve not been near as consistent but I hate [  ] getting up in the morning I definitely hate getting up at 5:30 in the morning

I would much rather stay up late like especially now it’s football season [  ] football games are on at 8:00 and so some of the games are on till 1011 and if I do that then I’m not getting up at 5 DVR yeah and then I hear the score and it’s I don’t have a time to re stay off [  ] all that DVR I can’t do that not for live sports I’ll DVR everything else [  ] live sports are yeah it’s different I won’t watch a recorded live sport oh yeah I’ll watch it tonight’s game I’ll be watching that tomorrow I’ll watch a little bit tonight I’ll watch the first half and go to bed I’ll super try tonight to like record it and then try to get through it but if I don’t like get to watch it tomorrow like at work I’ll try to put it on and kind of watch in my periphery and even that’s not as fun like it’s way more fun to watch just you’re [  ] off at work what’s that you can just tell us you’re [  ] off at work yeah

that’s interesting I hearing you say that like and I probably bitched up the guy probably said it way better I’m just paraphrasing it into a way that in my brain well I was trying to think through and and I had a different thought than I would I think than I would typically have like cuz it kind of caught me off guard when you were sharing the Dilemma about the gym thing and I was like maybe self-care is the compromise between the ideal state of functioning you would like to have and what your human body can do and feels good in right so maybe the ideal is well if I get up in the morning I can go to the gym five days a week and that’s my ideal of what makes a good human but maybe the compromise is when I go into evenings I tend to make it three times a week and that’s how I make the self-care compromise with my body and my ideals I was like huh that’s really fast I don’t know I’ve never thought of that so there you go well the whole gym experience is different in the afternoon than it is in the morning there is like half the amount of people there at [  ] 5: in the morning as there are at 4:30 or 5: in the afternoon and the whole like waiting for people to get done with [  ] so you can get on like that whole experience makes it that much worse too it’s interesting I like the right amount of people at the gym because I can’t stand it when it’s crowded and I also can’t stand it when when it’s totally empty and there’s like me two other people I love it if it’s empty too I would like it if it was just me maybe like I’d be fine I put my [  ] headphones on and

I’m maybe it’ be worth paying more for a more expensive gym that’s not as crowded and popular yeah I don’t know what options are around but like I know my is like never like I’m never having to wait for equipment the one at my house by the house is super close I mean that’s the it’s two minutes you know what I mean so it’s super close is the why that much further for you m probably not okay might be worth checking out and seeing how crowded it is I don’t know how crowded is in the evenings I always go in the mornings at like really off times like 8:45 a.m. other people are working yeah so I’m not sure but it might be worth checking out if it’s not cuz I thought the same thing I’ve thought about leaving the Y because we have this stupid ridiculous way too much membership and it’s only me that uses it and I’m like I could go to any gym but I don’t want to drive to any of the other gyms like why is the easiest well and I mean where that idea first came up for me was thinking of doing like the either the like cold exposure or the sauna exposure like that stuff supposed to be really healthy like

I’m getting a little older so I’ve learned like I have some like joint issues and things that are Star and I played Sports my whole life and had all kinds of injuries so now all the [  ] that they told me was going to happen when I get older like oh yeah your knee’s all [  ] up you’re probably going to have arthritis when you’re older you know and [  ] like that like my shoulders are kind of not great the and cold is supposed to be good for that yes it it helps reduce inflammation so anytime you can reduce that inflammation in your joints and stuff it’s supposed to help well back to that idea of like self-care is the discipline of creating a better future or something in light of the present I I totally disagree uh my whole idea of life is that we keep creating this uh madeup Fantasy Land in our head that is the future that only exists in our mind in the present because that’s the only thing life really is is right now so I I’m a Believer in like if it ain’t about feeling good right now to some level and this isn’t like a chaotic just Chase feeling good pleasure seeking thing but like yeah that’s I take it if it doesn’t feel good for me now I’ve missed the [  ] point of feeling good in this action because if it doesn’t feel good now the future isn’t there it’s not there it’s always about now that’s going to be a now in the future so you save for retirement because it feels good to know that you are saving for your future so my idea of self-care I guess as opposed to this idea of you know the discipline of a better future or whatever is more I am able to give myself what I need not what I want in the moment that’s the idea for me of self-care and

we need Jenny to talk about middle path of like the balance between you know she can bridge the gap between those two because I immediately like anytime time anyone says that like everything’s all about the right now I’m like do you know what that means in my head that means I’m going to spend all my money and not [  ] go to work because that isn’t any of the [  ] I want to do like I mean it doesn’t make my life completely miserable but it’s certainly not if I’m worried about dying tomorrow I ain’t going to [  ] work that’s for sure I ain’t worried about saving for the future that’s for sure I’m [  ] spending it all and doing it all right now right right right right no I get it I mean that’s that philosophical question that like I keep asking myself how do I get up and move forward in my day and take these [  ] mundane steps to live this weird stupid boring ass life we all live of going to works from 9 to fives right like how do I do that every day when I know I’m going to die and it’s all going to end and the people I love could tragically [  ] be ripped away from me at any minute yeah

I don’t have the answer for that one but we’re talking about selfcare thank I won’t that question today uh so what is selfcare how how do we do it how do we conceptualize it is it a thing you do is it I feel like I keep reading how um our our younger generation my kids you know the older teenagers like their version of self-care is these little treats throughout the day and like I I’m not opposed to treating ourselves and being good to ourselves but I don’t know that that hits all the marks of what I hope self-care is for people you know so what what do you guys do in self-care how do you think about it I mean and this is part of my struggle with it is immediately I think of it as like all the physical aspects of like taking care of myself like to me that’s self-care but I miss some of like maybe the emotional and spiritual parts of it that’s where I’m more lacking and just that concept of self-care usually has to do with physical things eating exercise sleeping like all these physical aspects I mean they’re important for sure like like I I definitely have like what do they call it I love when they call it sleep hygiene like I got rules around my sleep it is boundar it feels good most of the time and I love that uh my my nutrition the same I’m in the middle of my goal now is to like get additives and sugar to a much lower level of my intake and like you know I’m hit and miss with how I do with that especially around the holidays with all these lovely desserts but I I’m feeling good about the movements in that direction you know and like yeah uh if

I don’t get a certain amount of physical activity and maybe even and maybe this crosses over from the the physical portion of self-care to like for me it’s I got to be in the woods a little time each week in order just to [ __ ] let my brain do something it does in the woods and doesn’t seem to happen many other places and I don’t know what that is but like all these are definitely super important for a foundational level I think sleep is the one that most humans we don’t get well and is the most important one to all of us each and every day I believe personally sleep is really critical yeah definitely um my undergrad research final semester project was on sleep it’s really critical for so many so many yeah just to function as a human interestingly that’s that’s what I’m really good at so I don’t have to prioritize it cuz I just know I like my sleep I like to get eight hours and so oh God I’m like I’ve been doing it better but it’s such a waste of

time um so I’ve been really prioritizing self-care over the last couple of months um since you know this this breakup that I went through earlier uh earlier in the year and finding that in the midst of that relationship I was not doing a great job of prioritizing self-care um so I’ve actually like created a checklist for myself of of self-care items and so I put down the ones that I knew all of the things that I knew contribute to me feeling good about myself within myself yeah um that’s that’s like a it’s almost like and not that it has to get this complicated because we don’t want it to feel bad for anybody but like even exploring that idea of just what feels good for me what feels good in my life like there’s so many subcategories of ways the things we do impact that so that’s huge right yeah and so I made this checklist and I love it because it um you know it’s literally like a grid where I can check off the things that I’m doing each day and it’s in Rainbow order like all of the different items are a slightly evolving tint um so the more check marks I give the more rainbowy it starts to look and

I love rainbows I love color um so that’s very reinforcing just the act of checking these boxes and when I was making it what I really didn’t want it to do is to turn into some kind of thing where it felt like productivity and achievement and discipline and so I do have on there like chores and errands but that is the only thing so it is not unload the dishwasher go grocery it’s not like all of the mundane things that I feel like I should do because that doesn’t make me feel good when I focus on those things so for me you know it’s um it’s things that make me happy so I have things on there like socializing that’s something that is really good for me when I can get out and interact with other people that makes me feel good um doing art is on there that’s not when I do a ton but again something that I know I like to do that makes me feel good I have stuff for my recovery like meetings and sponsor and um you know I have like journaling and reading um meditation is one that’s on there and then I have a lot of exercise ones I have like yoga and I have hiking and I have running and I have weightlifting because these are all things that make me feel first of all they reduce my physical pain when I’m doing them and then also from a mental perspective I think they help me significantly and so what I found is the days that

I am able to check multiple boxes on my list are days that I feel better um and that’s self reinforcing as well yeah um so it’s interesting and as I’m doing this I’m starting to see like it’s really good for me to kind of keep track too like my sponsor wants me to go into more meetings and so I can look back and say okay well how many meetings am I actually going to and um the meditations one that I’ve been struggling with and I have documented evidence of this is what I’m struggling with and so then I can start to dig into like why why is that one such a struggle for me and and I’ve been kind of like exploring well is it because I you know feel like I can’t focus cuz the dogs are always around and so can I solution for that or is it because I feel like I don’t have a

meditation process or practice or guidance because I do the guided meditations that that feels good and so I’m aversive to it because of that and so I recently started a new app for meditation and it feels better I like this one better so now I’m finding that I’m starting to be able to meditate and starting with baby goals too right like um for the meditation it’s like that’s something I’m struggling with and so the goal isn’t to do it for 20 minutes at a stretch because I’m less likely to want to do that so I I’ve been doing seven minutes and that feels manageable and once I get a good pattern then I can maybe up it a little bit but being really um giving myself a lot of Grace the goal is not to beat myself up if I don’t check the items on my list but to like congratulate myself when I do and that’s that’s a really tricky part for the meditation thing just to like reinforce what you’re doing

I started meditation the first time ever and then got back into the same way by saying what amount of minutes will I [  ] do every day and maybe that’s two whatever it is and then I added a minute a week to what I was doing and that just felt nice and then when it stopped feeling nice I slowed down and didn’t add a minute and like yeah do it in the way that you can do it that’s all that matters right um and I love that you pointed out like at the end there the idea that like you’re not trying to judge yourself if you don’t check the boxes you’re trying to celebrate when you do um I think not getting to the intention of checking the boxes maybe is the place for a good exploration of like you said why what’s hard about this what’s keeping me from getting to that what gets in the way right but we can’t have that safe exploration when we have that negative shameful kind of response to oursel around not getting the boxes checked that’s my hesitancy around any checkbox form of self-care is like the first step in my mind of self-care is understanding that when I’m applying self-care to myself I’m parenting I’m parenting myself in that moment that’s what self-care is and where are my parenting from is it this angry critical judgmental shameful place that

I got parented from or is it this really loving and compassionate place of like hey you checked one box today man that’s really good strides like this must have been a really tough day if you didn’t have the space to get to all those check marks how can we take better care of you for that and that’s where we like the first step of selfcare is understanding that I’m I got to come from a different place of parenting than I got because that’s what got missed in the first place and if we’re just self-caring from that same parenting place like same cycle yeah and it’s weird you said something about like not looking at it from a productivity place and I actually like I think that works better for me to look at it from a productivity place like I got a smart watch or whatever you call it that tracks you know all kinds of metric and steps and all that [  ] and that stuff has been more motivating for me to be like oh yeah maybe I do want to try to hit this bunch of steps a day so maybe I should get up and walk during the day cuz I can sit at my desk for three hours straight you know get up and go to the bathroom get a coffee that’s it you know but this thing reminds me to get up and move or it started it does sleep score so it’s

I started looking at my sleep score and I want to get a higher score like I don’t want to be at 64 you know 64 sucks I want to be up at 80 or whatever and so I pay attention all right hours matter maybe staying up till 10:30 or 11:00 even though it feels good in the moment doesn’t serve me so you know so it’s been for me almost the opposite of like some of that like productivity aspect of it has been a better motivator for me to do it my challenge to everybody who is in love with productivity is uh live a life for a week where the most productive thing you can do and the way you can win the game is to take as many moments and breaks and minutes as possible to just breathe and not do anything else that’s the most productive thing you could do for a week and I’m curious what that experiment would lead to so any of you productivity people Billy please feel free to text me next week and let me know if you tried it um I I think the problem with productivity is it’s always about getting something done which involves constant motion and I’m a real big believer in like a lot of our self-care and our calmness and Stillness in our nervous system needs to first come from still in the body and not doing more um and we don’t have any place where we’re like hey

I was productive this weekend for resting and laying on my couch and and doing absolutely nothing and giving my body what it needed yeah well I mean on this like meditation is one of the metrics and it does counts the minutes and the whatever like you rate your you know calmness that’s self-reported but I get to rate how I feel after the meditation or whatever but just so this had me thinking when you’re talking about meditation so I meditate I have sort of a routine in the morning and meditation fits in there some days what happens though sometimes is that just you know cuz everything doesn’t always fit exactly like I want so I get up and I go to the gym and sometimes the routine takes a little longer or things get a little out of whack so then I’m running a couple minutes behind and it’s like I have enough time to meditate as long as everything goes right right but then if I get backed up a little bit it’s going to make me late for work and so there was a period of time where I was like well if meditation fits in then it fits and if it doesn’t it doesn’t and most recently and again this is a luxury that

I do have a little bit most recently I said [  ] it I’m going to be late for work like the meditation part is more important than being to work you know right at 7:30 like if I get there at 7:40 you know right I mean there a little bit of internal struggle there because I’m the boss and that could be setting a bad precedent and I am going to tell them they need to be there at 7:30 but then I’m not necessarily there at 7:30 but for my own like say well-being I found that maybe this is a justification but they’re going to like me better if I took that 10 minutes to meditate than if I got there at 7:30 I actually had a similar kind of thing recently I um Tuesdays and Thursdays I see people really early um and it doesn’t even let me get my kids on the bus I got to like hand them off mid process of getting them ready for school to get to work one time and I I realized that the other morning I had like for whatever reason I was just enjoying my morning a kind of lost track of time and I was a little behind my schedule and uh I started brushing my teeth a little frantically and I was like feeling that feeling in my chest oh [  ] I gotta be their own time got how am I going to set this up and make everything quicker to get their own time right and I caught myself like 5 seconds into the [  ] Rolland steam train of thoughts and

I said hold on this person I see this first person I see this morning would much prefer I be 2 minutes late than for me to feel this I absolutely guarantee it I know it I’ll ask them when I go in session they will gladly not want me to feel this for two minutes so why am I doing that to me so I stopped right and look I was 14 minutes early for work but that’s indifferent but it’s like yes I got to have that space and meditation has helped me a lot and what I’m finding more now is it’s not even just the meditation times there’s a lot of times throughout my day when my brain is clicking on and going hey breathe for a second feel yourself be inside your body for a minute the biggest of which was the other day I had couple cancellations I went took care of errands got my lunch I got back I had 22 minutes left right and I was like oh what can I cram in here I could edit some podcast I could do this the other thing

I got to do for work I could do and I was like who why why with every amount of minutes we have in our day do we instantly go to what else can I get done before my next thing and I stopped and I just spent 22 minutes sitting there with myself yeah thinking not thinking I don’t know it was interesting but I feel like do we ever do that and I think we need that I think that is self-care yeah well and so this the self-care idea recently my miscon conceptions around it came up because uh my wife and I were having a conversation and somehow it got there she said well you know what is the most important thing in your life right now and I said oh us and our relationship and she said well that sounds nice nice but no right and I said oh then what maybe my recovery and she said well no taking care of you needs to be your biggest priority like you can’t put you know if you’re not taking care of you then oh you’re not going to be good at taking care all these other things yes and I was like oh yeah I don’t ever look at it that way like I put myself wait like I need to like our relationship

I need to sacrifice you know if I feel good or don’t feel good or like I don’t feel a right to go home and say hey honey I’m really just tired can we just kind of take it easy to I and do nothing like I don’t feel like talking you know I would like oh no way I’m not saying that wow okay you know but love yeah so yeah I was like huh maybe my ideas around self-care and so it just got me to looking at like all what I think of as self-care is really just physically taking care of myself no kind of like emotional or mental taking care of myself and and like I don’t point this out to be to to I want this to be a useful piece of information for you Billy what you just said to me in my mind isn’t that you don’t put stock in taking care of these other needs that your body has it’s that for the most part you’re generally unaware of them right right and out of touch with them and like that’s that’s a big statement and a big exploration you know what

I mean at least from my point of view maybe it’s not well I think that feeds really perfectly into your theory of selfcare um I was going to say one thing in terms of like the discipline or maybe not discipline but productivity SL achievement perspective that Billy you were saying really motivates you I think I think it’s good to be motiv ated by a sense of accomplishment but what do you do when you don’t accomplish because is the flip side of that then to beat yourself up for not meeting that accomplishment like if you’re really motivated by like oh I want to I want to hit my step goal and that is that’s self-reinforcing I think that’s good but if you don’t yeah and it’s interesting cuz that seems to matter on and maybe this is somewhat good but like the steps thing are like H whatever like that’s just something like I don’t if I make the whatever 10,000 steps or whatever it [  ] starts beeping at me telling me I did good that day like great but if I don’t hit that I don’t really care but like the meditation one and the Sleep one feels a little more important so I do kind of look at those a little higher priority cuz I feel like they’re more important but do you beat yourself up when you get a slow low sleep score no I usually feel like oh

I’m not doing a good job I guess maybe it is beaten I usually look at like oh I’m not yeah I’m not taking I need to kind of work at that a little better or be more mindful of that stuff so I guess it is like I don’t feel like I like oh you’re such a piece of [  ] or anything but I do sort of like oh I’m not doing good at this I need to focus more on that it’s the pillow fight version of a gang bang yeah right right H yeah okay so yeah I I I think you’re right I that was great to point out yeah it’s that where am I parenting from around the self-care and how well I’m doing with it’s interesting so and now I’m thinking a little more usually what it is is like how can I do better what can I do more of what did I do wrong today like did I have coffee late did I eat something too and I start trying to pick it apart yeah and I think the better question is how did today get so tough that I lost the ability to take care of myself that other things became bigger than me how did that happen so um I’m going to draw this for Billy and Caroline obviously and I’m going to do my best to get a you know a version of this on our video version of the podcast but to try to explain it to you out loud so you can sort of picture it it’s not too complex uh I’m going to draw a big circle on a piece of paper a blank piece of paper right and this circle to me represents how much space we have to care about anybody anything take care of put effort into anything in our life right and in the middle of this circle

I draw a smaller Circle right now in the way I understand this there’s probably billions of circles between the smaller Circle and the bigger Outer Circle of different levels of priorities and things that I put energy into in general but for the easiest version of this this is all we need to know is there’s a big circle with a little circle in the middle right this big circle does not get bigger we don’t get more resources or energies to put into things this is our finite amount right so anytime things outside our Circle get more energy than that little midal inner Circle which is us right if other things take up too much space in their size they actually squish our little Inner Circle down upon us which is why it feels so stressful and pressure so the idea in my head is this is a way to conceptualize self-care right it’s a way to think about when am I allowed to and what exactly am I supposed to do in this moment just from a real basic level before we can figure out any like perfect behaviors that are right for our body and how to take care of us the initial idea is anything that’s outside of how we feel how well we’re doing in the moment right now is outside of our little middle circle and it’s got to stay out there and we’ve got space to put energy into it so say it’s

I want to take good care of myself right I want to have good self-care that’s something we want so it go goes in the circle the big circle but not in ours and we have space to put effort into this as long as it’s not hurting us us but once it starts squishing in and making our little Inner Circle when it crosses that line that’s where we need to stop immediately and say this behavior that I’m trying to do to feel better is Right Now not working it’s missing the Mark I can’t pressure myself more to make this Behavior somehow make me feel better right at this moment this is when self-care needs to happen I need to reestablish that Bal boundary around me and say nothing I want is more important than how my [  ] body is under stress in this moment that’s the most important thing that’s where I stop and I say okay maybe this is a problem I need to solve but for right this [  ] second I need to go away from it I need to give myself a five minute break a five hour break a five day break there’s nothing good happening once I’m hurting myself that’s where self-care in my mind needs to take place it doesn’t even matter if the [  ] outside of my circle is [  ]

I want like you were saying doesn’t matter what I want if it starts hurting me I need to stop and take care of my hurting self in the moment and then figure out the rest of that when it doesn’t hurt so much so I don’t know how does that feel how does it land I feel like people like the visualization as I’ve been giving it to them it confused me this time cuz you explained this to me um without the visualization just talking me through I guess that was that last week or the week before it was last week yeah um it confused me this time though when you put self-care outside the circle cuz I thought self-care was protecting the circle well well the point of it is yeah self-care is protecting the circle but what I was saying is Billy was expressing his version of self-care is checking off the boxes right well he was saying his is kind of being productive too it’s meeting these certain standards and if he doesn’t meet the meditations he’s a little like well why didn’t I how could could I be better in that moment when he’s saying how could

I be better he’s criticizing his inner child and like maybe he’s not aware of it but there is a pain going on inside of him and that’s where we need to recognize hold on the thing that I’m trying to do to feel better is actually attacking me now I need to stop self-care is stopping my pursuit of being better at self-care for this moment that is self-care it’s shutting the [  ] up and not doing that to myself right that’s so sorry maybe I should have used a better option besides self-care but like if I wanted to make a uh $80,000 next year and I got to [  ] June and realized I’ve only made 20,000 and it’s hurting me to put so much energy into that task I need to give up and say I need to take care of me the whole point of the goal of making $80,000 was to feel better it’s not [  ] working I need to stop and practice selfcare so what I don’t know do it make more sense okay

I mean it makes sense but as far as like I guess my bigger problem and maybe this is some of therapy and 12-step work and all that stuff is figuring out like paying better attention to that inner me part and giving that its sense of value yeah because it in my thing has that’s not where the value comes from of how do I feel right right devalued so yeah so imagine if in a moment of you know this maybe critical part this critical parent in you that has been uh programmed in and it’s saying man you didn’t meditate today you didn’t do this you didn’t do that and imagine that you could cultivate wait a minute I’m having that thing where I’m my brain’s telling me to be better and now what I do when I have that thing is is start asking myself uh what else happened in my day that got in the way and maybe when

I ask myself that that I realized that like um my kid needed my help for 20 minutes in the morning and that’s why I missed my meditation and maybe I stopped and helped a stranger changed their Tire on the way home from work and that’s why I missed the gym and now I can say ah [ __ ] man I was a really good human today do you know what I mean it’s it’s actually stopping tormenting myself for a few minutes and giving me the space that ultimately will say oh I need to take care of that part of me that keeps hurting when I’m not giving me this space you know that that is important and I’m making it a priority even though I don’t completely understand it yet I’m just giving it I’m not going to keep bashing it with how it could be better even if I don’t understand what it wants or how to get to the place where I can praise it or or give it space like for right now I’m just going to let it let it know I hear it and I see it and I’m not going to keep criticizing it okay that makes [Music] sense have you found that listening to the recovery sort of podcast has helped you in your day-to-day Journey please share the message of compassion and well-being with the loved ones in your life connect with us more at recovery sort of.com Facebook Instagram threads YouTube and other social media spaces and have a great [Music] [Applause] [Music]

week